Relational Intentionality: 6 Ways to Devote Time to Connecting with Your Spouse

| Ashley Davis LMFT

Kids.  Job. Friends.  Household Responsibilities  Extended family. Self care.  Spouse.

There are a ton of demands on people’s everyday lives.  It can be hard to balance all of our relationships and responsibilities in the day to day, and more often than not our relationship with our partner gets put on the back burner as more is added to our plate over time.  Most of the time this occurs because our relationship with our spouse may be considered “easy” and doesn’t feel like it needs as much of our time as other things that we are responsible for in the daily grind. However, if you are not adequately devoting time to nurturing your relationship, you may begin to feel disconnected from your spouse over time.  

I encourage an intentional approach to marital bonding for my clients, which means I encourage all coupled clients to spend time each day intentionally doing something either with their spouse or with their spouse in mind.  This way, you can continue to foster connectedness daily.

6 Ways to Foster Daily Connection with Your Partner.

  1. Spend time filling out a couple’s journal and sharing entries with one another each day.  These are available online and come in a wide variety of styles including more serious and more silly journal types.
  2. Plan a date night each week.  Date nights do not necessarily have to involve money or even leaving the home.  Renting a moving and sharing a pizza and popcorn can be just as meaningful as going out to a fancy restaurant when it comes to building your relationship.
  3. Make sure to express physical affection towards one another at three key points during the day each day: Before leaving for work, after coming home, and before bed.
  4. Take a couple’s vacation at least once a year without the kids.  A longer vacation is preferable, but if finances/responsibilities do not allow for this amount of time plan a long weekend instead.  
  5. Create a daily ritual with one another.  Spending time watching your favorite show, having coffee each morning, or going for a walk every evening are good options for spending time together.
  6. Intentionally do something exclusively for your partner each week.  Wash the dishes for them, buy them their favorite candy bar, give them a back rub, etc.  Share what you did for your partner with your partner at the end of the week to keep yourself accountable for this.

Keep in mind this is not an exhaustive list of ways to connect with your partner, but it should give you a head start towards being more intentional in your marriage. 

Today's the day to make a change.