Hi! I am so glad you are here. Whatever brought you to open this blog is likely challenging and my hope is to bring some peace in helping you take steps towards reaching out for help, you are not alone whether you are curious about your own relationship or a loved ones. This blog does not aim to define whether you are or are not in an abusive relationship, but if you have begun asking yourself the question of whether or not you are, it may be time to seek help. The intentions of this blog are to provide some information in helping to identify the types of abuse, patterns in abusive relationships, and encouraging those in need to seek help.
Oftentimes, we think of abuse as solely being physical. Even then, sometimes perpetrators and victims of abuse will minimize or normalize the abuse. Simply put, abuse is any action that has the intent to hurt or control someone. Abuse often takes place as a means to establish power or control over another person through physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, and/or financial means. Some types of abuse are a bit harder to identify.
Below are some brief definitions of some of the types of abuse:
Physical abuse: hitting, slapping, punching, pushing, pinching, choking, grabbing, burning, kicking, as well as, breaking items and damaging property.
Emotional abuse: name-calling, demeaning, isolation, and excessive criticism.
Psychological abuse: threats to harm the victim, their loved ones, and/or pets, gas-lighting, manipulation, and mind games which can lead to feelings of confusion.
Sexual abuse: can be coercive or forceful actions as a means to force someone to engage in unwanted sexual actions.
Financial abuse: impeding someone’s ability to obtain higher education, limit or restrict access to financial resources, and excessive tracking of spending.
Abuse can take place in all types of relationships and while there are risk factors, research suggests anyone can experience abusive patterns. There is a cycle of abuse that often leads the victim to questioning whether or not their feelings are valid and justified because there are times of calm or a “honeymoon” phase, a tension building phase, an incident phase where one of the above types of abuse is taking place, and a reconciliation phase. During the honeymoon or calm phase things may seem normal and okay. The tension building phase may include abusive tactics that are not as easy to recognize and leading the victim to feel as though they are “walking on egg shells.”
Some common symptoms of abuse are depression, anxiety, confusion, lack of trust, feeling isolated or alone, irritability, dissociating, decreased self-esteem, excessive worry about pleasing their partner, and excusing partners behaviors. These symptoms can persist after the relationship has ended and can sometimes lead to Adjustment disorders, Acute stress disorder, and more long-term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Counseling can be helpful in empowering clients to find safe ways to leave a relationship, set boundaries, seek resources, validating experiences, encouraging growth around maladaptive behaviors, identifying characteristics of healthy relationships, providing a safe and confidential space to be heard, improving self-care and self-esteem, identifying triggers, help towards cultivating new thoughts and behaviors, and increasing distress tolerance skills.